Self Reflection

Tonight I had a breakthrough.  Instead of indulging in some of my necessary daily routines I took a different route.......I allowed myself to think clearly.  For the first time in a while my mental state was naked, and when I say naked I mean free of issue, something it hadn't been in a long time. Like any other person I'm riddled with insecurities, and although my exterior comes off confident and secure I've struggled with self doubt.  The best thing you can do is take on the task at hand and remain focused on what's most important in your life at that given time.  I've had issues that have consumed my daily existence for a while that I hadn't thoroughly addressed and by refusing to address those things, I made myself somewhat stagnant. Honestly I'm so good at masking my own issues that I make myself believe that every things ok even when its not.  However, in actuality I'm not content with where I am or what's going on around me and I'm fully aware in order to make change, I have to change within.  By resorting back to things that comfort me I've hindered my own progress.  When I left for college I promised myself that I'd never come back to the place I grew up and I haven't yet fulfilled that promise.  I also promised myself that I would be different, and by being different I mean just allowing belief in my own abilities to takeover instead of overthinking situations.  I know I"m not alone when I say I tend to overthink some of the smallest of issues, and by doing that I generally get in my own way.  In essence like most people, I am my own worst enemy and by being afraid to take risks I've slowed down my metamorphosis.  The biggest mistake I've made was losing myself and consuming myself with my daily ups and downs.  As I let pressure consume me I lost the urgency to fulfill what's most important to me.  Today is the day life changes, the only person that controls that is the man in the mirror and hopefully this realization helps someone else as it did me.

Vent

A lot has been on my mind lately.  As I try to move forward and progress as a person graduating to the next stage in life (no pun intended); I have an issue.   With all issues, I have to figure out a way to attack it and basically use the beauty of solitude to put together pieces in my mind.  I've realized that honestly I'm scared to move forward, and not in the sense that I'm stuck in the same spot, but my mind is so focused on what my next move in life is that I'm forgetting to focus on the present. Its weird to admit when you're scared, because personally I have a hard time acknowledging fear,  I'm not one for displaying feelings, or letting others know what I'm fearful of, those are things I must work on with growth.  As I transition from the fantasy world of college to the real world, I'm slowly losing the comfort and stability that a college environment brings me, although you're on your own in college, its not the real world.  It's not even success after the ups and downs of these four years that I'm scared of or moving forward to a bigger stage in life.   I'm not afraid of struggling, or paying my dues in reality the only thing  I'm afraid of is not fulfilling my potential, and not living up to the personal standard that I hold for myself as a man.  The hardest thing for a person to realize is who they really are, and only you can answer that question at the end of the day.  I'm now at 21 almost 22 years old finally understanding what makes me different.   It takes years and years of experience and personal meditation to try and grasp the complexities of the person in the mirror.   You have to be honest and understand you're the only person that you have to please.  Although we all have people or vices in our lives that motivate us to be better, if you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror you cannot truly flourish.

Through my own mediation, I've understood that confidence is the main ingredient to anything.  As confidence allows you to trust in yourself and forget about uncertainty, a sense of power is ignited within oneself.  With uncertainty we begin to doubt our abilities, which is the most negative thing we can do to ourself.  I'm going to wrap it up and simplify what I'm trying to say. We all know our abilities and by this point in our lives many of us have experienced enough to realize what our strengths/the things we need to work on are, that's just the general process of being real with oneself.  With that sense of reality, we cannot forget that our individual being is special and in some area of life we are all made to shine, doubt is only a waste of time as we are owners of our future.

Currently Jamming:  Cut Her Off x K. Camp